I will probably never win Father of the Year. In the official imaginary Father Ranking System, I’m somewhere between Homer Simpson and the guy who sold his kid’s Xbox for a tidy little profit the day after Christmas. Okay, so maybe I’m not that bad, but I’m feeling a little lost these days – more so than usual.

Yesterday, my three year old son P.J. was having an especially bad day – behavior-wise. This is to say, we were all having a bad day at my house. I’ve heard it said that ‘the terrible twos’ is one of the most challenging periods of parenthood, but I think the person who came up with that term probably had yet to experience ‘the third degree threes.” The Boy… we call him The Boy because we live in a house full of girls… Anyway, The Boy simply will not take NO for an answer and he absolutely will NOT obey under any circumstance.

For example, if I tell The Boy that he cannot have any ice cream for dessert; the following path of attack will likely be employed in an attempt to Shock and Awe his opposition (namely me). The initial attempt will involve The Boy repeatedly storming the front gates with, “Daddy, I want ice cream.” My negative reply will be met with outright insolence and is basically ignored completely, “Daddy, I want ice cream.” Amazingly, this insane frontal assault has apparently worked on at-least one occasion since he continually employs this same strategy as an opening bid in The War for Ice Cream… Alright, it might have been me in a moment of weakness, but I had the flu or something… When The Boy has decided that the front gates are impregnable he will begin his secondary attack strategy. A strategy so bold, audacious, and down right disrespectful, it is sure to send yours truly through the ceiling. This second strategy is most effective if his mother and I are in the same room – even better if we are sitting next to each other. Yes, you guessed it, “Mommy, I want ice cream.” He’s done this before, but yesterday I’m sitting next to my darling wife and The Boy is looking right at me as he says these words cradled in his mother’s arms. It was all I could do to restrain myself from jumping over the imaginary walls of my impenetrable Father Fortress. As I said, the sheer audacity! This plan didn’t work either, but certainly not for lack of daring on his part. I just don’t know how to make him understand that WE DON’T HAVE ANY FRICKIN’ ICE CREAM!

So, like I said, it was a bad day at our house and it really had nothing to do with The Boy. I think it was mostly me and my current view of life. My darling wife and I have had to make a few tough decisions; decisions that I am not entirely happy about. These are things that needed to get done, but the cost seems high in the right here and now time frame. So being true to my hot headed nature, I let off some steam last night and railed against life, the universe, and everything. Unfortunately, the only one listening was my darling wife which is really, really unfair to her. Bottom line, I showed my ass and stormed out of the house. Then I drove around and felt sorry for myself. In the end, I came back home. Where else could I go?

“Why must you be such an angry young man when you’re future looks quiet bright to me.” –Styx, Fooling Yourself

99% of the time we make a great team. We still find each other interesting. We are in love despite the passing of many years. I guess we’ll make it as couple – at least as long as she is willing to put up with my temper. So, honey, if you are reading this, I am sorry. I’m sorry I said unjust and hurtful words to you. Thanks for putting up with me all these years. I love you.

Anyway, the inmates are clearly running my asylum and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Now, if I could only find my happy place… I hope the bathroom isn’t occupied!

Some interesting quotes about fatherhood:

• “An angry father is most cruel towards himself.” – Publilius Syrus
• “When you teach your son, you teach your son’s son.” – The Talmud
• “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” – Theodore Hesburgh
• “My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, ‘You’re tearing up the grass.’ ‘We’re not raising grass,’ Dad would reply. ‘We’re raising boys.’” – Harmon Killebrew
• “It is admirable for a man to take his son fishing, but there is a special place in heaven for the father who takes his daughter shopping.” – John Sinor,
• “One of life’s greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn’t good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world.” – Jewish Proverb
• “My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.” – Jim Valvano
• “By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.” – Charles Wadsworth
• “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.” – Mark Twain,
• “I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.” – Harry S. Truman
• “My father was often angry when I was most like him.” – Lillian Hellman
• “We never know the love of our parents for us till we have become parents.” – Henry Ward Beecher
• “There are three stages of a man’s life: He believes in Santa Claus, he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus.” – Anonymous